They don't know me, They don't know you,
by MyimmortalHadenXCharm
Summary: They don't know anything about us two.


Yumichika had never known how shy Ikkaku was. It made a strange sort of sense, that he would be so loud and obnoxious outwardly to cover up any insecurity or emotions that he might have.

He was so vulgar most of the time, constantly swearing and drinking, that nobody ever questioned his prowess in bed. Nobody knew that he was a virgin. Not even Yumichika had realized, it hadn't fully clicked, until Ikkaku sat there hiding his face, unable to look at Yumichika undressing. They were intending to be intimate, and how on earth could that happen if Ikkaku could hardly look at him?

It wasn't as if he hadn't seen Yumichika naked before. He'd seen all of him dozens of times, but now, _now_, it was different. It wasn't the same now that they were sweethearts. He covered his eyes and blushed, grumbling deep in his throat.

"You're….. Heh'….." Ikkaku's head dropped down and pressed onto his arm, hiding his eyes. Yumichika crept closer to him, exposing his white unblemished skin,

"You're so… You're so beautiful…"

Yumichika's heart melted as he slipped his yukata off his shoulders. He knew that it didn't make sense to other people really. They knew how Ikkaku was, and they knew how Yumichika was. They knew they were best friends, but they knew that they were constantly arguing, because they were so different from eachother. They didn't understand when they saw Yumichika kiss Ikkaku's bloodied eye gently and say something sweet, and then see Ikkaku kiss the side of his head roughly and shove him a little. They didn't understand why Yumichika was with him.

Ikkaku wasn't good with words. He was clumsy, loud, he was crass, dirty, rude, sporadic, everything that Yumichika wasn't. He had bad handwriting, he left blood in a ring around the tub, he ate far too many taiyaki cookies and drank himself stupid. He was more of a hindrance than a help with the squad 11 paperwork, and he was always making a mess. He yelled at everyone, he was impatient, and had an uncontrollable temper. He wasn't good at expressing his feelings, he often grew so stressed about how to breach an issue, that he ended up not saying anything, but God, Yumichika loved him.

'Why?' He wondered often.

"I think I maybe… Yumichika,…" Ikkaku shifted, producing a flower, that had probably been picked out of a ditch, over his shoulder, twirling it nervously between his fingers, "I…. I'm so in love with you.."

'Why? Because even if he is a violent idiot, he's a sweetheart to me.' Yes, Ikkaku might've been all those things, dirty, and loud, and manic, but no one else saw what Yumichika did. They hadn't seen him stay up late into the night to make breakfast for Yumichika. They hadn't seen him search for hours for Yumichika's missing hairbrush, the one he'd had back in the Rukongai. They hadn't seen him kiss his forehead with that weird look on his face, and they hadn't seen him punch the men who made comments toward Yumichika. They hadn't seen him blush when he came out of the bathroom in a towel, or concentrate too hard trying to write a love note to Yumichika telling him he'd be back from his mission soon. They hadn't seen the soap on his nose when he combs Yumichika's hair in the tub, because Yumichika was too weak to do it himself. They hadn't seen him carry a battered Yumichika home from war, even though he had a broken leg. They hadn't seen him cry like a baby.

They didn't know him like Yumichika did. All they saw was the shouting, jealous, overprotective, outward mess that Ikkaku was. They saw him force feeding Yumichika shots and dragging him around. They saw him fighting barbarically on the battle-field, and disregarding Yumichika's feelings. They saw him having fist-fights with Hisagi for lookin' too long at Yumichika, and they saw him shouting at Yumichika for staying out too late.

They didn't know that Ikkaku felt inadequate in comparison to the other men, and that that was why he overcompensated in drinking contests. They didn't know that he didn't like getting healed at the hospital, because he wanted Yumichika to patch him up and kiss his bruises. They didn't know that he was burned badly as a child, and that his hair no longer grew, leaving him permanently a skinhead. They didn't know that he was jealous because he felt insecure, and that Yumichika was too good for him. They didn't know why he said he was lucky. They didn't know about all the nice stuff he did, because he didn't like to be soft in public.

Yumichika prized the weed from Ikkaku's fingers and weaved it into his hair, and then kissed Ikkaku's fever-heated back.

"Are you… are ya' sure?" Ikkaku mumbled, not concerned that Yumichika hadn't answered him back, as if he had just wanted to let Yumichika know that he loved him, not expecting anything back. "I mean… I-I'll prob'ly be no good, and… hurt ya' maybe."

Yumichika didn't say anything, "I mean… I just.. I'm not a pervert, if you don't wanna, I won't be mad.."

Yumichika slipped off his hakama and moved in front of him, realizing more and more that Ikkaku wanted him to say no so that he had more time to prepare; Ikkaku lifted his head up at the sound, and cringed, averting his eyes and rubbing his hands together in anxiety. In fact, Ikkaku looked sick from nerves. Yumichika knew better than to tease him.

"Darling.. you really haven't?.."

"Don't tell anyone, it's embarrassing." Ikkaku pressed his hands over his face, "I just was never interested in it, I wanted to fight instead-"

Ikkaku kept his eyes on the floor, "I don't know… How ta'-… I…" He wrung his hands, holding his legs awkwardly to hide the bulge in the front of his hakama. Ikkaku growled angrily, sinking his nails into his arm, snarling.

"Damnit… I'm not a pervert, I swear I'm not… " Ikkaku said roughly, "I… I don't know how to do it.." He said ashamedly, putting a hand over his eyes. Yumichika could've sworn that Ikkaku was shaking a little.

"We don't have to rush, sweetheart, it's okay. Just don't try to 'hone' your skills with anyone else,"

"Hell no," Ikkaku said with wanton, head falling back, "You're… So… You're the most-" He shook his head, looking helpless with sweat on his forehead. "You had me at hello, there'll never be anyone else.. Promise'."

He shushed Ikkaku with a finger, and kissed him on the temple, "You are so sweet… I love you, dearly." He smiled a little.

Because while everyone assumed that all they had between them was sex, they had been doing just fine for years without any sex at all. Because that's not what their relationship was about.

Yumichika had been raped far too many times, and he could tell that Ikkaku had suffered some kind of trauma too, because he seemed afraid of that kind of intimacy, whether he was afraid of hurting Yumichika, he didn't know, but there was something there.

He'd only seen him with an erection a couple of times, and that had only been since they had become lovers. Before that, it had seemed that no matter how scantily clad the woman was, how provocative the dancer, how much sake he drank, nothing could stir his netherregions.

Ikkaku's explanation for not dating women, or not even being attracted to Rangiku's boobs, was just that he wasn't a pervert, something he said often, with vehemence, but Yumichika knew that non-perverts still had needs. Ikkaku didn't seem to.

In fact he seemed to revile in sexual contact and find it disgusting and horrifying. Yumichika as well, after working as a prostitute, had had enough sex and had been raped enough times to last him for decades more.

Ikkaku leaned in jerkily, stiffly holding the back of Yumichika's neck, and kissed him awkwardly, eyes open. Yumichika could feel Ikkaku's fingers shaking from pent-up nerves, and he held Ikkaku's face gently, kissing him softly. He kissed a trail over Ikkaku's cheek, and Madarame's eyes slipped closed. He ran his hands down Ikkaku's shoulders, kissing the corner of his eye.

Nothing had to change. They didn't have to feel obligated to have sex because of other peoples assumptions. Their own happiness was what they deserved. Someday in the future, they would start working towards it, but for now, just the feel of skin on skin in warm soapy water was comforting and peaceful.

They were their own escapes, knowing that they didn't have to keep up appearances with eachother. Ikkaku didn't have to act rough and tough, and Yumichika didn't have to act superficial and self-centered. They could be loving and soft where no one could see them.

"Want to take a bath and go to bed?" Yumichika asked softly, knowing Ikkaku liked to snuggle more than he would admit. Ikkaku nodded, eyes raking over Yumichika's form quickly, and then darting away. "Okay, come on then, handsome,"

"Be quiet, you," Ikkaku laughed a little and followed the prancing naked Yumichika to the bathroom.


End file.
